Ahnenerbe: Unusual Encounters
by FlameOf
Summary: When you have a cafe that can house anyone from anywhere, chaos is bound to follow.


One shot: Unusual Encounters

* * *

Sharing tables.

One would think that the egotistical King of Heroes, Gilgamesh, would have a problem with sharing a table with those he considers less than peasants.

Yet, despite being a complete prick to people, Gilgamesh was at least a civilised prick.

One thing that he found was that most people he had to share his table with didn't bother him too much, and it also helped to be carrying a book wherever he went.

And so, the King of Heroes drank his coffee in peace, reading through the novel in his hands (The Epic of Gilgamesh, what else would he read?), noticing out of the corner of his eye the waitress walking towards him.

The waitress was, as Gil had come to expect, short, as is, her height didn't even reach the top of the table. After all, the staff at this particular coffee shop, the Ahnenerbe (Ancestor's Heritage), are all Neko-Spirits, a strange offset of the spirits that, to Gil's knowledge, all look too damn similar.

But the King digressed, for he had seen far stranger things than a bunch of mini cat-like spirits.

"Pardon me, sir." the waitress spoke, hoping for some small form of acknowledgement from the King. "Do you mind sharing your table with another customer?"

Gilgamesh couldn't help but feel his nerves irritated by the Neko-Spirits voice, but at the same time he was use to it. It's only been the hundredth time he was asked that question. "Fine by me, just hope the mongrel doesn't bother me too much." he responded, not taking his eyes from his book. With a bow, the waitress pulled out the seat across from him, and a figure sat down in it.

Whilst the table was filled with silence, Gilgamesh knew that was not the case for his new companion, and with a sour taste in his mouth, diverted his eyes to the one sitting across from him.

It was a girl, physical age around 16 or so, with light purple hair and eyes, and bore a rather cheerful smile on her face. Her clothes consisted of a large white hoodie that doubled as a dress, and had two white hairclips shaped like the D-Pad on a game controller in her hair. The King of Heroes mentally noted that the girl was cute, but being the judge of character that he was, added a foot note of 'probably going to be incredibly annoying'.

And he wasn't wrong.

"Finally, some sign of life from ya!" this girl practically shouted, making Gilgamesh flinch at being caught in his curiousity.

 _'Let's amend that note to Definitely.'_ Gilgamesh thought, actually putting his book down. "You have some nerve to talk to the King of Heroes like that, mongrel." he spoke with authority as he leaned back in his chair, hoping to intimidate the girl.

It failed.

"King of Heroes? Now that's a cool title!" the girl was unfazed by the authority and charisma that emanated from Gilgamesh. "Though I think I might outrank ya there, being a CPU and all."

"You? A mere child outranking me? Don't be absurd." Gilgamesh responded. "And besides, isn't a CPU a component for computers?"

"That's one way to describe it, but not the only one from where I'm from!" this girl said with enhanced gusto.

The King of Heroes could feel the blood in his veins boiling, only his 'good will' (I.E not wanting to pay repair bills with his treasury) was keeping him from using his Noble Phantasm. "Then what, pray tell, is a CPU in your world? And just who are you to speak so casually to me?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked!" the girl stood up, striking a heroic pose. "I am the hero of Gamindustri, protagonist to 8 of the 12 games I've appeared in! I am Neptune, Goddess Purple Heart of Planeptune!"

At least two shattering sounds could be heard at that moment, the first being the unfortunate Fourth Wall that the Neko-Spirits had just finished repairing ("Damn it, nya!"), and the second was Gilgamesh's last remaining threads of sanity. _'THIS is a Goddess? You've got to be shitting me!'_ his mind raged as his body trembled.

"Hey, uh, you doing ok over there?" Neptune felt the need to ask, either not feeling or ignoring the murderous aura coming from the blonde king.

* * *

Over by the counter, two of the Neko-Spirits, Neco-Arc and Neco-Arc Chaos (for the sake of the readers, shall be refered to as Arc and Chaos, respectively) were watching the events unfold. With a low chuckle, Chaos took the cigar from his mouth and blew out smoke. "Ah, how it is to be young." he spoke in his mellow voice.

"I think those two are older than us." Arc responded, keeping one eye on the odd duo and another on the dishes being washed.

Chaos let out another chuckle. "Well, let's get back to the action."

* * *

"Hey, uh, Hero-kun? You ok? You've been trembling for the past scene and a bit." Neptune asked once more, causing the small rebuilt portion of the Forth Wall to topple back over again ("Come on, nya!").

To call Gilgamesh angry would be an absolute understatement. He was Livid, with a capital 'L'. Here he was, seated in front of a Goddess, and he was enraged by how casual she was about it. Yet what could he do? He was one man in the face of a God, he couldn't just kill her...

Oh wait, he could. Because he's Gilgamesh the Epic.

A golden ripple appeared behind the King, and a slim sword shot out at lightning speed towards the loli. Across a table that wasn't even six feet long, the sword should have struck Neptune dead in the middle of her forehead.

Yet the purple haired girl dodged it with ease.

"Now that was just plain rude, Hero-kun." Neptune stated as she looked at the sword embedded in the floor. "Man, I'm reminded of when that happened to me."

Utter confusion, that was all the King of Heroes could feel at the moment. Not only had this girl claimed to be a Goddess, not only had she managed to piss him off to the point that he used his quickest method of dispatching mongrels, but she survived. _'Just what is with this girl? She acts so casual, yet she was able to dodge me at a pins drop!'_ his confusion was replaced with renewed rage, many more golden ripples appearing behind him as he stood from his chair. "You said your name was Neptune, right?" he asked, his casual clothes getting replaced with golden armour.

"Yeperoni!" the addressed CPU responded cheerfully.

"Very well then, I shall at least give you the pleasure of knowing that it was I, King Gilgamesh, that brought about your end!" Gilgamesh continued, refusing to let the ridiculousness of that... word... get to him. From the ripples behind him, a plethora of different weapons emerged.

"Wait, we're gonna be fighting here?" Neptune asked. "Well, guess there's no way around it." a bright light engulfed the loli, and as it dimmed, she had changed.

Her hoodie was replaced with, for lack of a better term, a black skin tight leotard, adorned with some purple segments and silver lining. Her height, bust, waist, and hair length had all increased considerably. Her eyes were now blue and her hair dark lilac-purple. In her hand she now held a large katana like sword. "I suppose it's only fitting that I give you my all as well." Neptune spoke in a mature voice.

"Oh, now this is interesting." the King of Heroes said, surprised in a good way for the first time today. With a snap of his fingers, one sword flew towards the CPU, whom blocked it effortlessly. A manic grin spread across Gilgamesh's face. "Excellent, truly excellent! This will be a fight to remember!"

* * *

Back at the counter, Arc and Chaos were joined by another of their kin, namely, Bubbles, as the three watched the battle raging on.

"If we leave this, who knows how much repair will cost." Chaos muttered, puffing his cigar as Bubbles nodded ferociously in agreement. "Shop owner."

Arc turned to face the grey cat/spirit/human/thing (Seriously, what can we call them?). "Yeah?"

"Could you..." he paused dramatically, no one knows why. "Shoot me a beam?"

As if decoding a cryptic message, Arc turned back to the battle. "You got it!" she stated, eyes glowing brightly.

Not even five seconds later, the entire wall was blown out, and Neptune and Gilgamesh were buried under the rubble, both back in their casual forms.

Chaos blew out smoke once more. "Beams are so..." another pause. "Unisex."

Again, Bubbles nodded in agreement.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Author: Hello! And welcome to this utterly random, and might I say ridiculous one-shot!**

 **Neco-Arc: Welcome!**

 **Author: First, I'd like to say that as of writing this author's comment section, it hasn't even been 24 hours since I had the idea.**

 **Neco-Arc: I think that might be a new record.**

 **Author: It is, but that's not all I want to talk about. First would be the fact that this is, in and of itself, a one-shot. But, considering how fun it was to write, I might consider doing a continuation series.**

 **And I'm not just talking about between Fate/Stay Night and Hyperdimension Neptunia, I'm talking a Massive Crossover between anything I can think of, should I decide to go through with it.**

 **Neco-Arc: And considering this guy, he might go through with it.**

 **Author: Aye, I might very well do it. It would be fitting under the X-Over and Fate/Stay Night section should I actually do it and if you're interested. But for now, we'll see if writing this helps me overcome my block with Alvis and the Void.**

 **Neco-Arc: Way to shamelessly self-promote.**

 **Author: Well, until next post!**

 **Neco-Arc: Don't just ignore me!**


End file.
